Writing Workshop: Omit Needless Words

 

Omit needless words. Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts.—Strunk & White, The Elements of Style, 1959 (2000)

[Note: Most of the material from these writing workshop blog posts, plus a lot more never-blogged material, is now available in my book, The Writing Workshop: Write More, Write Better, Be Happier in Academia.]

Happy New Year, Everyone! This post is about one of the simplest and most satisfying tasks in writing: Getting rid of words you don’t need. By the time you have a full-length draft of your article (or grant proposal, or thesis chapter, or whatever you’re writing), it probably resembles the shelf of coffee mugs in my kitchen cabinet: My favorite mugs are there, but so are many that no one uses: chipped mugs; cracked mugs; a mug shaped like a coiled rattlesnake that somebody brought back from Arizona; a mug with a broken handle, which was repaired with superglue, but which I am pretty sure will break again as soon as it’s filled with hot coffee . . . Each mug seemed fine when we got it, but now a lot of them just take up space and make it harder to reach the mugs we actually use. Drafts get cluttered too, as they should. Drafting is about saying ‘yes’ to ideas, spinning them out and seeing where they lead. It’s about creativity, which makes things grow in all directions.

[Note from Prof. Lisa Pearl: Also, if you draft the way you explain things out loud, you’re likely to add extra words because being redundant in spoken language can be helpful for real-time processing. But when we’re reading, we can see the whole sentence at once and don’t need the extra linguistic scaffolding to get our conceptual bearings.]

In earlier posts I’ve urged you to separate drafting from editing—to just dump whatever is in your mind onto the page, without judgment or evaluation. Omitting needless words is on the other side of the process.

The idea is simple: Look at your draft line by line, reflect on what message you really want each sentence to communicate, and delete everything that dilutes or distracts from that message. In this post, I’ll talk about two types of word clutter that appear over and over again: Redundancies and qualifiers. With a little practice you can learn to spot these quickly and easily, saving your brain power (that’s a technical cognitive science term) for the subtler editing decisions.

Redundancies

Redundancies are words and phrases that add no meaning, so you can get rid of them without a second thought. They are the cracked and leaking mugs on your shelf. Here are six types of redundancy to spot and delete.

1. Acronyms with the last word spelled out again

You could argue that this is not a redundancy, but an objective error. It is the acronym or initialism followed by the last word, spelled out. For example, ATM stands for ‘automated teller machine,’ so ‘ATM machine’ means ‘automated teller machine machine.’ Other examples include fMRI imaging, GOP party, GRE exam, HIV virus, ISBN number, LCD display, PIN number, SAT test, RAM memory, and UPC code. Avoiding this mistake is easy: When you use an acronym, just take moment to remind yourself what the letters stand for.

2. Pairs of synonyms

Another common type of redundancy is the pair (or trio) of synonyms joined by a conjunction. For example, ‘aid and abet’ is a redundancy because ‘aid’ and ‘abet’ both mean ‘help.’ So ‘aid and abet’ means ‘help and help.’ In these synonym pairs either word alone conveys the meaning, so just pick one. Some examples: aid and abet; basic and fundamental; each and every; first and foremost; full and complete; hope and desire; inadvertent and unconscious; null and void; pick and choose; support, rationalize or justify; surprising and unexpected; true and accurate; various and sundry; way, shape or form.

[Note from Prof. Sarah Lawsky: ‘Aid and abet’ and ‘null and void’ raise the issue of terms of art. Law, in particular, is full of redundancies that shouldn't be edited out because they are the terms of art. (We have lots of Latinate/Anglo-Saxon doubles because of the history of the common law.) So if you’re writing in a legal setting, leave those in.]

Exercise: Spot the synonym pairs and omit the extra words.

With synonym pairs	Without synonym pairs
First and foremost, statistics is a basic and fundamental skill for quantitative social scientists. As an adviser, I hope and desire that each and every student in my lab gets a full and complete grounding in both Bayesian and frequentist methods.	First and foremost, statistics is a basic and fundamental skill for quantitative social scientists. As an adviser, I hope and desire that each and every student in my lab gets a full and complete grounding in both Bayesian and frequentist methods.
The point of random assignment is that it’s random. You can’t pick and choose the subjects that you assign to conditions in any way, shape or form.	The point of random assignment is that it’s random. You can’t pick and choose the subjects that you assign to conditions in any way., shape or form.
It’s hard to eliminate academic dishonesty because students aid and abet each other’s cheating in various and sundry ways, making it difficult to get a true and accurate picture of how much cheating is actually going on.	It’s hard to eliminate academic dishonesty because students aid and abet each other’s cheating in various and sundry ways, making it difficult to get an true and accurate picture of how much cheating is actually going on.
We propose that people inadvertently and unconsciously inflate their estimates of risk in order to support, justify or rationalize their moral judgments.	We propose that people inadvertently and unconsciously inflate their estimates of risk in order to support, justify or rationalize their moral judgments.

3. Phrases that can be replaced by single words

Check your draft for phrases that can be replaced by single words. The process is not automatic—each substitution works in some contexts but not others. Consider the first item on the list: replacing ‘a number of’ with ‘some.’ To my ear, the substitution works for this pair of sentences

• There are a number of things I’d like to discuss.
• There are some things I’d like to discuss.

But not for this pair

• Participants’ data were excluded for a number of reasons.
• Participants’ data were excluded for some reasons.

Here are some phrases that can often be replaced by single words:
a number of (=some); add an additional (=add); adversely impact on (=hurt); afford an opportunity to (=let); as of yet (=yet); ask the question (=ask); at a later time (=later); at an earlier time (=earlier); at the present time (=now); by means of (=using); concerning the matter of (=about); despite the fact that (=although); during the course of (=during); for a period of (=for); for the purpose of (=to); for the reason that (=because); in a confused state of mind (=confused); in a situation where (=if); in addition (=also); in between (=between); in excess of (=over); in order that (=so); in the case of (=when); in the event that (=if); in the majority of instances (=usually); is able to (=can); is applicable (= applies); is capable of (=can); is in a position to (=can); it is possible that (=may); it is probable that (=probably); make an attempt (=try); make an effort (=try); make a request for (=request); off of (=off); on the basis of (=based on); on the part of (=by); outside of (=outside); owing to the fact that (=because); provided that (=if); subsequent to (=after); the reason for (=why); the reason why (=why); the way in which (=how); whether or not (=whether); with the exception of (=except).

Exercise: Replace phrases with single words where possible.

With stock phrases	With single words
Identifying a number of mistakes that adversely impacted on our profits in 2017 afforded us an opportunity to improve in 2018.	Identifying a number of  some mistakes that adversely impacted on hurt our profits in 2017 afforded us an opportunity to let us improve in 2018.
We haven’t decided as of yet what to do concerning the matter of the landscaping.	We haven’t decided as of yet what to do concerning the matter of about the landscaping.
We must contact the residents for the purpose of letting them know that in a situation where they hear the fire alarm, they should leave the building by means of the stairs.	We must contact the residents for the purpose of letting to let them know that in a situation where if they hear the fire alarm, they should leave the building by means of the stairs.
On the basis of information we intercepted last week, we think it is possible that enemy agents will make an attempt to steal our cake mix.	On the basis of Based on information we intercepted last week, we think it is possible that enemy agents will make an attempt might try to steal our cake mix.
For a period of ten years, they lived outside of Philadelphia for the reason that in the majority of instances, they were in a position to find cozier coffee shops there.	For a period of ten years, they lived outside of Philadelphia for the reason that because in the majority of instances, they were in a position to could usually find cozier coffee shops there.
During the course of the last two decades, more sheep than ever have learned to knit, despite the fact that the number of sweater patterns available to them at the present time is low, owing to the fact that few fashion houses design for sheep.	During the course of the last two decades, more sheep than ever have learned to knit, despite the fact that although the number of sweater patterns available to them at the present time now is low, owing to the fact that because few fashion houses design for sheep.
In the event that no one is here to provide guidance for the bird watching tour, it is probable that all of us with the exception of Ramesh will end up in quicksand.	In the event that If no one is here to provide guidance for guide the bird watching tour, it is probable that all of us with the exception of except Ramesh may will end up in quicksand.
I like the way in which the bakers help each other and seem friendly outside of the tent. Standards of polite behavior should still be applicable in the case of people being on TV. In addition, I enjoy the gentle humor on the part of the hosts.	I like the way in which how the bakers help each other and seem friendly outside of the tent. Standards of polite behavior should still be applicable apply in the case of when people being are on TV. In addition, I also enjoy the gentle humor on the part of by the hosts.
I usually pay in between $20 and $30 per 100g of puerh tea, but I will pay in excess of $40 provided that the quality is exceptionally high.	I usually pay in between $20 and $30 per 100g of puerh tea, but I will pay in excess of over $40 provided that if the quality is exceptionally high.
Subsequent to completing the task, about 15% of participants spontaneously requested that we take their names off of the study roster in order that their data could not be used. We were not able to determine the reason why so many participants did this.	Subsequent to After completing the task, about 15% of participants spontaneously requested that we take their names off of the study roster in order that so their data could not be used. We were not able to could not determine the reason why so many participants did this.

4. Interrogate the Usual Suspects

The next step is to look for redundancies in the parts of speech where they most often turn up: adverbs, adjectives and prepositional phrases.

Adverbs

The part of speech most likely to clutter up writing is the adverb. This is not only because many qualifiers are adverbs (more on qualifiers below), but also because adverbs can modify verbs, adjectives and even other adverbs—and all that flexibility makes them ripe for overuse. One common type of clutter is the pairing of a verb with a redundant adverb. For example, ‘surround’ means ‘encircle completely.’ So ‘completely surround’ means ‘completely encircle completely.’ As always, there are exceptions. For example, I think the use of ‘completely surrounded’ is fine (not redundant) in the paragraph below.

The movie A Bridge Too Far describes what happened to the British 1st Parachute Division when, with their backs to the Rhine river, they got surrounded by the Germans. The British managed to evacuate about 2,000 of their paratroopers across the river under cover of darkness. At the battle of Stalingrad, by contrast, the German 6th Army was completely surrounded by the Soviets, and none of them managed to escape.

Examples of verb-adverb combinations that are often redundant:
(completely) surround; (entirely) eliminate; (first) conceive; (mutually) interdependent; (now) pending; (originally) created; (still) persists; (still) remains; add (up); ascend (up); assemble (together); blend (together); circle (around); circulate (around); collaborate (together); combine (together); commute (back and forth); confer (together); connect (up); cooperate (together); descend (down); drop (down); dwindle (down); eliminate (altogether); empty (out); enclosed (herein); enter (in); eradicate (completely); extradite (back); fall (down); follow (after); fuse (together); gather (together); heat (up); hoist (up); integrate (together); join (together); kneel (down); lag (behind); lift (up); meet (together); merge (together); mix (together); open (up); penetrate (into); plan (ahead); plunge (down); pouring (down) rain; previously listed (above); proceed (ahead); protest (against); raise (up); reason (why); reconstruct (anew); recur (again); refer (back); reflect (back); repeat (again); reply (back); retreat (back); revert (back); rise (up); self-______ (yourself); separate (apart); skip (over); splice (together); start (off) or (out); vacillate (back and forth).

Exercise: Cross out the redundant adverbs.

With redundant adverbs	Without redundant adverbs
Collaborating together across labs allowed us to merge together data from different sources, which was the key to completely eradicating the disease.	Collaborating together across labs allowed us to merge together data from different sources, which was the key to completely eradicating the disease.
The administrators have been vacillating back and forth about whether to repeat the announcement again, but it’s clear that the lawyers want the university to retreat back to its earlier position.	The administrators have been vacillating back and forth about whether to repeat the announcement again, but it’s clear that the lawyers want the university to retreat back to its earlier position.
We planned ahead to ascend up the steepest trail, but when the day arrived it was pouring down rain, so we decided to retreat back to the cabin.	We planned ahead to ascend up the steepest trail, but when the day arrived it was pouring down rain, so we decided to retreat back to the cabin.
The idea of a grad student pub was first conceived by graduate students who wanted a place to gather together. At that time, the number of pubs near campus had dwindled down to one or two.	The idea of a grad student pub was first conceived by graduate students who wanted a place to gather together. At that time, the number of pubs near campus had dwindled down to one or two.
All primates are descended down from a common ancestor, but humans are more able than other primates to self-assess ourselves. Although we want to be rational, it’s very hard to separate apart intuitions from reasoning.	All primates are descended down from a common ancestor, but humans are more able than other primates to self-assess ourselves. Although we want to be rational, it’s very hard to separate apart intuitions from reasoning.

 

 Adjectives

Like adverbs, adjectives are big contributors to clutter. Watch out for redundant adjective-noun pairs such as ‘added bonus’ and ‘undergraduate student.’ The same caveat given in other cases also applies here: An adjective-noun pair can be redundant in one context and not in another. For example, the phrase ‘current incumbent’ is redundant in the first sentence below, but not in the second.

• Polls show the challenger ahead of the current incumbent by seven to ten points.
• In the 1984 gubernatorial race, the incumbent suffered a humiliating defeat. The current incumbent doesn’t want that to happen in 2020.

Examples of potentially redundant adjective-noun pairs: (added) bonus; (advance) planning; (advance) warning; (affirmative) yes; (basic) fundamentals; (basic) necessities; (brief) moment; (careful) scrutiny; (close) proximity; (closed) fist; (component) parts; crisis (situation); (current) incumbent; (desirable) benefits; (different) kinds; emergency (situation); (empty) hole; (empty) space; (end) result; (favorable) approval; (fellow) classmate; (fellow) colleague; (final) conclusion; (final) end; (foreign) import; (free) gift; (frozen) ice; (future) plans; (future) recurrence; (general) public; (harmful) injuries; (hidden) ambush; (illustrated) drawing; (joint) collaboration; (knowledgeable) expert; (local) resident; (major) breakthrough; (major) feat; (mental) telepathy; minestrone (soup); (mutual) cooperation; (native) habitat; (natural) instinct; (new) construction; (new) innovation; (new) invention; (old) cliche; (old) custom; (old) proverb; (open) trench; (overused) cliche; (passing) fad; (past) experience; (past) history; (past) records; (personal) friend; (personal) opinion; (polar) opposites; (present) incumbent; (regular) routine; (safe) haven; (safe) sanctuary; slow (speed); small (size); (small) speck; (sum) total; (temper) tantrum; (terrible) tragedy; (true) facts; (underground) subway; (unexpected) emergency; (unexpected) surprise; (unintentional) mistake; (universal) panacea; (usual) custom; undergraduate (student); weather (conditions); weather (situation).

Exercise: Cross out the redundancies in the adjective-noun pairs.

With redundant adjectives	Without redundant adjectives
The added bonus of advance planning is that if you don’t get an affirmative yes to your Plan A, you have time to come up with a Plan B and it’s not a terrible tragedy.	The added bonus of advance planning is that if you don’t get an affirmative yes to your Plan A, you have time to come up with a Plan B and it’s not a terrible tragedy.
Even if you make advance reservations, you sometimes can’t get a table at the restaurant because someone makes an unintentional mistake, and the end result is that you have no table.	Even if you make advance reservations, you sometimes can’t get a table at the restaurant because someone makes an unintentional mistake, and the end result is that you have no table.
The usual custom is for the undergraduate students in each year to dig an open trench around the engineering building.	The usual custom is for the undergraduates students in each year class to dig an open trench around the engineering building.
In my personal opinion, junior scientists should be careful about entering into joint collaborations. My past experience has been that although collaborations can produce many desirable benefits, they can also produce unexpected and unhappy surprises.	In my personal opinion, junior scientists should be careful about entering into joint collaborations. My past experience has been that although collaborations can produce many desirable benefits, they can also produce unexpected and unhappy surprises.
Although the candidate was a personal friend of the dean, my fellow colleagues and I didn’t think his research held up under careful scrutiny.	Although the candidate was a personal friend of the dean, my fellow colleagues and I didn’t think his research held up under careful scrutiny.
The local residents of Kofu now have to look at an empty hole in the ground where new construction on an underground subway was started but never finished.	The local residents of Kofu now have to look at an empty hole in the ground where new construction on an underground subway was started but never finished.
Knowledgeable experts agree that 95% of the oldest frozen ice in the arctic is now gone.	Knowledgeable Experts agree that 95% of the oldest frozen ice in the arctic is now gone.
Past history teaches us that mutual collaboration is a basic necessity to produce new innovations in science.	Past History teaches us that mutual collaboration is a basic necessity to produce new innovations in science

Redundant prepositional phrases

Like adverbs and adjectives, prepositional phrases are often redundant with the expressions they modify. Here are some examples where a prepositional phrase duplicates the meaning in a verb: classify (into groups); compete (with each other); depreciate (in value); estimated (at about . . . ); evolve (over time); fill (to capacity); grow (in size); indict (on a charge); integrate (with each other); introduce (for the first time); look ahead (to the future); look back (in retrospect); meet (with each other); plan (in advance); postpone (until later); re-elect (for another term); scrutinize (in detail); spell out (in detail); surround (on all sides); warn (in advance).

Here are some examples where a prepositional phrase duplicates the meaning in a non-verb: autobiography (of his/her own life); biography (of his/her life); brief (in duration); cacophony (of sound); consensus (of opinion); equal (to one another); few (in number); first (of all); green (in color); honest (in character); incredible (to believe); interdependent (on each other); large (in size); manually (by hand); mutual respect (for each other); nostalgia (for the past); off (of); outside (of); over (with); period (of time); round (in shape); shiny (in appearance); soft (to the touch); sole (of the foot); tall (in height); tall (in stature); ten (in number); unusual (in nature); visible (to the eye).


Exercise: Eliminate the redundant prepositional phrases

With redundant prepositional phrases	Without redundant prepositional phrases
The snails at the window were few in number but large in size, shiny in appearance and soft to the touch. The consensus of opinion was that we should remove them manually by hand, classify them into groups, and gently encourage them to compete with each other in races.	The snails at the window were few in number but large in size, shiny in appearance and soft to the touch. The consensus of opinion was that we should remove them manually by hand, classify them into groups, and gently encourage them to compete with each other in races.
We introduced the symposium for the first time in 2005, but it has evolved over time and grown in size, so that now the attendance is estimated to be about 200 people and the room is filled to capacity.	We introduced the symposium for the first time in 2005, but it has evolved over time and grown in size, so that now the attendance is estimated to be about 200 people and the room is filled to capacity.
When I read her autobiography of her own life, I noticed how she looked back in retrospect at those relationships and saw that they even though the partners had not been equal to one another, they had been interdependent on each other.	When I read her autobiography of her own life, I noticed how she looked back in retrospect at those relationships and saw that they even though the partners had not been equal to one another, they had been interdependent on each other.
We planned in advance to replicate both studies, but when we scrutinized the preliminary results of Study 1 in detail, they were so unusual in nature that we decided to postpone replicating Study 2 until later.	We planned in advance to replicate both studies, but when we scrutinized the preliminary results of Study 1 in detail, they were so unusual in nature that we decided to postpone replicating Study 2 until later.

Qualifiers

Now we come to the second type of clutter: Qualifiers. They require a little more thinking than redundancies, because whereas redundancies don’t add any meaning and are thus easy to delete, qualifiers do add a little bit of meaning. The question is whether they add enough to justify the space they take up, and whether the sentence or paragraph would be stronger without them. If your draft is a shelf of coffee mugs, qualifiers are the chipped ones, the weird ones, the ones with the uncomfortable handles . . . they’re not exactly useless, but a lot of them should probably go. Two kinds of qualifiers to watch for are intensifiers and hedges.

Intensifiers

An adverb or adjective used to strengthen the meaning of another expression is called an intensifier. Here are some common ones.

Type	Intensifiers	Examples
Adverb	absolutely, always, amazingly, basically, certainly, clearly, completely, dangerously, definitely, exceptionally, extremely, fully, highly, in fact, incredibly, indeed, inevitably, invariably, literally, naturally, obviously, of course , particularly, pretty, quite, rather, really, remarkably, seriously, significantly, so, super-, totally, truly, undoubtedly, unusually, utterly, very	Clearly, the failed replications naturally make us question whether we can really be completely confident about the original findings.
—used with comparatives (e.g., better, worse, higher, lower, more X, less X)	a lot, far, much, quite a lot, way	Modern sprinters run much faster than their ancient counterparts.
—used with superlatives (e.g., best, worst, highest, lowest, most X, least X)	absolutely, by far, easily,	This is easily the best-written manuscript I’ve reviewed all year, by far.
—used with negatives	absolutely, at all, in the least, whatsoever	I absolutely don’t believe that today’s for-profit publishing model benefits science at all.
Adjective	absolute, actual , basic, central, complete, crucial, essential, fundamental, important, incredible, key, major, perfect, principal, real, total, true, utter	The incredible thing about registered reports is that the principal authors can get crucial feedback from real reviewers on the actual introduction and method sections before data are collected.

The interesting thing about intensifiers is that they backfire. As Williams and Bizup (2017, p. 131) note, “When most readers read a sentence that begins with something like obviously, undoubtedly, it is clear that, there is no question that, and so on, they reflexively think the opposite.”

[Pro Tip from Prof. Sarah Lawsky: One easy way to find a paper topic is to search for the phrase "obviously X" or "it is clear that X," Then write a paper explaining why it is NOT clear that X, or even showing not X.]

When an author uses too many intensifiers, the writing takes on a desperate quality, as if the author expects not to be believed. If I invite a colleague for lunch at 12:30 and she says, “I can’t—I have a meeting at 1:00,” I believe her. But if she says, “I seriously can’t—I definitely have a real meeting at exactly 1:00,” I think, Why doesn’t she want to have lunch with me? Somehow, the more intensifiers are added to a statement, the less convincing it sounds.

Exercise: Omit the uneeded intensifiers

Indeed, one crucial way of significantly improving crop yield for lemons is by literally planting an actual circle of gingerbread men around the base of each tree.	Indeed, One crucial way of significantly improving crop yield for lemons is by literally planting an actual circle of gingerbread men around the base of each tree.
Amazingly, lemon trees encircled by basic gingerbread men with frosting smiles produce an incredible 12% more fruit on average than lemon trees surrounded by otherwise similar gingerbread men with frosting frowns (Lee, Braithwaite & Mitchell, 2003).	Amazingly, Lemon trees encircled by basic gingerbread men with frosting smiles produce an incredible 12% more fruit on average than lemon trees surrounded by otherwise similar gingerbread men with frosting frowns (Lee, Braithwaite & Mitchell, 2003).
Obviously, non-humanoid gingerbread shapes such as dogs, snowflakes and circles result in much lower yields (Braithwaite, Mitchell & Lee, 2008).	Obviously, Non-humanoid gingerbread shapes such as dogs, snowflakes and circles result in much lower yields (Braithwaite, Mitchell & Lee, 2008).
In the present study, we tested the effect of a previously totally unstudied but utterly essential variable: The basic direction that the gingerbread men face.	In the present study, we tested the effect of a previously totally unstudied but utterly essential variable: The basic direction that the gingerbread men face.
Naturally, traditional placements invariably have the gingerbread men facing toward the actual tree, as if really worshipping it.	Naturally, Traditional placements invariably have the gingerbread men facing toward the actual tree, as if really worshipping it.
Of course we hypothesized that trees are super-modest and pretty fearful, and that they would definitely rather be totally protected than literally worshipped.	Of course We hypothesized that trees are super-modest and pretty fearful, and that they would definitely rather be totally protected than literally worshipped.
Thus, trees that are essentially encircled by gingerbread men facing away from their trunks, as if to really protect them, should basically be happier and should actually produce more fruit.	Thus, trees that are essentially encircled by gingerbread men facing away from their trunks, as if to really protect them, should basically be happier and should actually produce more fruit.
We totally planted gingerbread men around truly adjacent trios of trees in three real lemon groves.	We totally planted gingerbread men around truly adjacent trios of trees in three real lemon groves.
In each trio, one tree was completely encircled by inward-facing cookies; another was basically encircled by outward-facing cookies, and the third had absolutely no cookies planted around it whatsoever. (This tree served as a crucial control.)	In each trio, one tree was completely encircled by inward-facing cookies; another was basically encircled by outward-facing cookies, and the third had absolutely no cookies planted around it whatsoever. (This tree served as a crucial control.)
Amazingly, as in previous studies, the key trees encircled by real cookies produced way more fruit than the controls. But the direction the cookies literally faced had no actual effect on fruit yield at all.	Amazingly, As in previous studies, the key trees encircled by real cookies produced way more fruit than the controls. But the direction the cookies literally faced had no actual effect on fruit yield at all.
This inevitably raises the question of how the cookies’ frosting smiles can increase fruit yield, given that the trees can’t actually see the cookies’ faces. We will certainly take up this important question in future research.	This inevitably raises the question of how the cookies’ frosting smiles can increase fruit yield, if the trees can’t actually see the cookies’ faces. We will certainly take up this important question in future research.

 

Hedges

The other kind of qualifier you should learn to recognize is the hedge. Hedges are the opposite of intensifiers: They express the author’s hesitation, caution or uncertainty. Like intensifiers, hedges are often adverbs (e.g., allegedly, almost, apparently, arguably, comparatively, conceivably, fairly, in a certain sense, in certain respects, in part, in some respects, in some ways, nearly, often, partially, perhaps, possibly, predominantly, presumably, probably, rather, relatively, seemingly, so to speak, sometimes, somewhat, sort of, to a certain degree, to a certain extent, usually, virtually). Writers can also hedge using quantifiers (e.g., a certain number of, many, most, some) and verbs that express caution or hesitation (e.g., appear, appear to be, be sure, believe, can, could, doubt, indicate, look like, may, might, seem, suggest, tend, think).

This is a hedged statement:

In certain respects, these findings may appear to some observers to be less than fully consistent with the proposal that cookies with smiles enhance fruit yield more than cookies with frowns (Lee, Braithwaite & Mitchell, 2003).

This is the same statement without hedges:

These findings are inconsistent with the proposal that cookies with smiles enhance fruit yield more than cookies with frowns (Lee, Braithwaite & Mitchell, 2003).

Some books on style use the verb ‘hedge’ to refer to any expression that limits or qualifies an author’s claim. I disagree. I don’t think we should use the word ‘hedge’ to mean all expressions of caution, hesitation or uncertainty. Researchers make a lot of statements: Some are very general; others are limited; some we are sure about; others we’re not. We should be able to express those nuances in our writing.

If someone is hiding behind it, it’s a hedge

I propose that we use the word ‘hedge’ to mean only those qualifiers that make it hard for the reader to tell what the author actually thinks. When authors make cautious statements because the data don’t warrant strong statements, that’s not hedging—it’s just responsible scholarship.

Authors hedge when they try to avoid criticism by not saying anything that anyone can disagree with. Not that I blame authors for wanting to avoid ridicule—being ridiculed feels terrible. So some authors, understandably, go into a defensive crouch. Instead of writing

Based on these findings, I believe [X]

They end up with something like

The evidence presented here might, under certain circumstances, be interpreted by some people to mean [X], although other people might not interpret it that way, which is fine, and I’m not saying I interpret it that way, although I’m not saying I don’t . . .

Authors also hedge by putting single or double quotes around words that they feel self-conscious about—a practice that seems to say, I’m using this word, but if you don’t like the word, don’t yell at me! I didn’t really mean it!

The problem with defensive hedging is that it makes your writing unclear and it doesn’t protect you from criticism anyway. Readers who are determined to misinterpret your statements will misinterpret them because, well, haters gonna hate. When you write, try to imagine readers who are smart, friendly, and open to your message.

It’s easier to imagine these ideal readers if they exist. As I write this, I’m imagining my fellow professors Sarah Lawsky and Lisa Pearl, who will read and comment on the post before it goes public. They are both ferociously smart, but they are also my friends and I trust them. When I write with them in mind, my writing is careful, because I know they will read it closely, but not defensive. I know they won't attack me, so I'm not tempted to hedge. A good reason to join a writing workshop is so that you can give and receive this kind of support.

Exercise: Hedges
For each of the situations described on the left, assume that you are writing the discussion section of a paper. Decide whether the statement in the center is a defensive hedge or an accurate expression of uncertainty. Revise to get rid of the hedges.

Your situation	Is this hedging, or accurately describing uncertainty?	Rewrite without hedges
Meteorological data indicate a 30% chance of rain in the next 24 hours.	There is a 30% chance that we will have rain by this time tomorrow.	(not hedging)
Meteorological data indicate a 75% chance of snow in the next 48 hours.	Some people are saying it will ‘snow’; others are saying it won’t. I’m not saying it will, but if it does, don’t say I didn’t warn you.	There is a 3 in 4 chance that it will snow tomorrow or the next day.
You’ve considered various explanations for the observed data. If you had $100 to bet, you would put $60 on Explanation A; $30 on Explanation B, and $10 on Explanation C.	Of the three explanations under consideration, [A] is most consistent with the data we observed. [B] is less consistent, although [B] could be true under the following conditions […]. We consider [C] implausible because [reasons].	(not hedging)
If you had $100 to bet, you would put $92 on [A]; $7 on [B], and $1 on [C].	[A], [B] and [C] are all very worthwhile explanations that many experts endorse. [A] has the advantage of […], but then again, [B] could be right because of […]. And [C] is also compelling. Further study is needed.	In our view, the observed data are best explained by [A]. [B] accounts for […] but not […]. [C] could account for [...] but does a very poor job of explaining […].
Trees surrounded by cookies produced more fruit than controls in four studies by different labs. You are convinced that the effect is real, although you know most people will be skeptical of the finding.	The present study hints that there may be some circumstances under which certain ‘interventions’ involving baked goods or ‘cookies’ might ‘help,’ or at least not ‘harm,’ citrus fruit production.	These findings strongly suggest that planting cookies around lemon trees increases their yield.
Somebody famous once claimed that cookies can’t possibly affect fruit yield. In your study, trees surrounded by cookies produced more fruit than controls at some, but not all test sites. You got a Bayes Factor of 2, indicating weak or marginal evidence that the cookies did help the trees. You remain skeptical, and you want to see more evidence before concluding that the cookies make a difference.	We found weak evidence that cookies may increase citrus yield. However, given the a priori arguments against this explanation (see Snooty & Eminent, 1981 for review), further studies should be done to establish the robustness and generalizability of this effect.

 

Line by line

I recently uncluttered my coffee mug shelf. I picked up one mug at a time and asked myself whether I like it, whether anyone uses it, whether it has to be washed by hand or can go in the dishwasher. I got rid of many mugs, packed others away for my college-age son who will soon have his own apartment, and left about half of them on the shelf. Now the shelf is happier, and so am I.

In this post I’ve talked about redundancies and qualifiers, but your draft probably has other clutter that doesn’t fit into either category. The process for dealing with that clutter is the same: Read one sentence at a time, ask yourself what you really want to say with that sentence, and remove any words that dilute or distract from the message. I find this kind of sentence-level revision very pleasant, like completing a crossword or sudoku puzzle. And at the end of the process, I have much clearer and more readable draft. What’s not to enjoy?

Download 'worksheet' versions of all the exercises in this post here.

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